AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Don't you ever have those moments where you just want to pull your hair out and scream at the top of your lungs until you pass out?

I feel like that right now. I feel like I'm in a situation that I cannot control and I cannot get out of. I feel like i'm strapped into a roller coaster that someone forced me onto and now I just have to wait it out, no matter how much I scream and protest.

There is just no getting out of this, and now I just have to deal with it.

fml

Today

Today, today has been a bad day for me. And I don't mean in a "i'm tired, people are pissing me off" bad day. Today I am an emotional wreck.

I graduate in 13 days. In 13 days my life is going to be flipped upside down. Today I went to rogers to pay my phone bill (something that I haven't done for some time) and I signed myself up for a membership card so that I could rent movies. This was the first time I could legitimately tell someone that I was eighteen and actually prove it with my driver's licence. That may not sound big to anyone else, but to me that is life altering. Why at eighteen do they think i'm responsible enough to rent and return movies?

Why at eighteen does my dad think it's a good idea for me to move away from home. I don't want to. I mean, I do want to, because I'll be moving in with my friend Jessie, and I'll be starting a new life at SFU, but I don't think I can handle it.

Every time I start to think about it I start crying. I have to leave my Dad. after this he will be all alone. I already feel bad when I leave him for a night, or don't make him dinner, because that means that he will have to fend for himself. He ate a peanut-butter and cheese sandwich two nights in a row now, because I'm lazy and selfish.

Moving out also means that I have to find a new home for my cat. I don't want to find a new home for my cat. I think that having her there would be of comfort to me...

Anyways...

SNB

"Do your Homework--" No, you do your homework"

I'm just sitting here, chilling with my friend. I thought I would update more then I ever have in my last month, all with truth.

I'm almost done my Geography 12 course, I just have one more unit to get though, which I should have done by the end of this weekend. Exciting, for sure.

I'm hoping to at least get a solid B in this course, if not a low A. I'll basically get whatever I can take at this moment, and i'll probably have to wait a week or so before it is all marked so i can get my final grade sent to SFU. If i don't get all of my marks into SFU, i wont be starting next year, so that is weighing very heavy on my heart at this moment.

I really hope my english Lit wont be giving me a problem about my in-term mark. I don't know how much I've finish with my course, but SFU needs the marks. so thats all i have to worry about at this moment. I only have a month left until i'm completely done with high school. SCARY. It will continue to become scary as time goes by. As weeks quickly pass, and then the moment before I cross the stage.

Excuse me while I hyperventilate.

Have a good night Internet.

SNB

I might have to abandon you...

I'm on the edge of the rest of my life. I say "the edge" because I still have a little bit longer of my old life to get though before I can continue on. In a month and 2 days I shall be graduating high school and will be starting a new novel in the series that is my life. After graduation I'll be spending my summer working (Like, one day a week) and helping to renovate the basement suite I will be moving into with my friend. I think at that point I will be starting a new blog that is all about my new life, so my old friends, teachers and my family members can keep a metaphorical tab on me.

I cannot believe that in three months I will be moving away from my home. My bed will be located an hour and a half to the west. I'll have to say goodbye to the municipally of Maple Ridge, and say hello to being an adult living in Burnaby. Scary stuff I tell you. And thus I get to my point... The day after I graduate high school, I will no longer be using this blog. This blog that has gotten me though all of my high school career will be replaced with a much cooler one... well, hopefully a much more updated one. It will be all about my SFU/Burnaby life. There will be pictures and I will write about me and my roommate Jessie. Sarah and Jessie, living together in Burnaby. There us something familiar and comforting in the sound of that. For the next month I will be contemplating on a title for my blog, and will probably provide a link to it from here, just so my readers can follow me there.

Thanks for understanding,

SNB

And summer creeps around the corner... and I cannot get a smile off my face.

I would like to welcome the summer back. The sun is shining, and we no longer need a fire every night to keep warm. I cannot wait for the day after our graduation ceremony were I can lay in the sun on a grassy hill and not have a care in the world. That shall be my favorite moment.

That's all i wanted to say.
Thanks for reading.

XO
SNB

Sh Sh Sh Shuffle

Just a weird experience that I wish to share with the world. I'm pretty static when it comes to how I listen to my iPod. I will listen to one artist for weeks on end, and will listen to generally one album until it becomes annoying. However, for all of today I've had my iPod on shuffle of all of my songs, and I must say, I think i'm enjoying it.

I know it probably sounds weird and very insignificant, but I think this little experience has taught me something... I need to try everything, even if i think i know i wont like it. I'm constantly being surprised.

Have a good night readers, don't stay up too late.

Love,
SNB

Sarah's Future United, AKA SFU

This past Friday my wonderful high school had a professional development day, AKA a weekday in which Sarah gets to sleep in--- well kind of. Generally as a rule, that would be the case, however, this past Friday I had an appointment with an academic adviser up the wonderfully beautiful Simon Fraser University. After driving in rush hour for traffic for about an hour in fifteen minutes I paid $9.75 for parking for three hours and thus begun my adventure in finding Student Central. After asking a parking attendant and a really nice man I ended up standing outside of a glass sliding door for 15 minutes until i built up the courage to go inside.

I met with a academic adviser, who then bumped me over to an admissions adviser who gave me an extra month to complete my English Literature 12 course. She then bumped me over to the front desk where I met a fourth year English Lit major who gave me a tour of the campus. And thus, I get to the point of this entry. I think I'm going to love it there. It's such a great learning environment. The stone building is so beautiful, and there are so many different pathways to get places. It's so easy to get lost.

I think I want to move to Burnaby and just surround myself in the SFU life style. Quit my job at Black Bond and move into Jessie's grandparent's basement and get a Work Study job on campus. I just want to cut all ties I have and surround myself with university. But there is one thing that I don't think I could ever leave.... CLA. I am way to attached to the church community, and it would brake my heart to leave Revolution.

I'm going to pray about it...because God always has a plan.